I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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