I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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