A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think I sprained my soul last night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
