just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
