I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
