He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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