He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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