Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
