she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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