Christians are straight up FREAKS
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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