I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
