A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
