I will die if light touches me.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
