I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
