Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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