What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
