i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
