He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
