I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She's the barista slut.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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