whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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