The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
