Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
