I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
