It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
420 ftw
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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