pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
