Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
