it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
