Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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