Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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