census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
