i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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