mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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