I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
