when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
