He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
