If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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