Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
