Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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