Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
