you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
