Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
