I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
