you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
