I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
