But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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