You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
