he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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