Taylor Swift is so right about you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
