I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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