the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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