I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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