I'm gonna have a badass scar
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
