my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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