you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
